Death by Pastry

For anyone who knows me – we all know I don’t work on the weekend….but I decided to do some promotional event at a Wal-Mart for an extra $50 bucks or whatever it ended up being. What did I have to do? I had to dress up in the most god-awful ugly Polo shirt you can imagine and attempt to hand out free Kleenex and toilet paper or some shenanigans like that.

The plus side to all of this? I got about 20 rolls of toilet paper to bring home. Now, anyone who does not own a house or doesn’t have to buy toilet paper is thinking “What’s retarded.” Well sir/madam, you are the retarded one because that stupid stuff is expensive as hell and will just magically disappear once you buy it. I swear to god one day I’m going to see TP sprout legs and jump out the window.

Four hours felt like a thousand…but I made it and then went and grabbed some Edo’s, and went to my friend Steve’s place…Floor 13, room 13. Kinda ominous eh? I ended up passing out on the couch because I’m a BAMF and woke up when he got back from the gym…and then headed to Shane’s place. I’m pretty sure not a single one of the like…10 people there was even resembling sober – so when they started playing UFC: Undisputed, it was pretty amusing.

Nathan was pretty much annihilating everyone – and so when it came my turn to play, we all expected a quick submission (being as how I’ve never played the game, and don’t own an X-box…or PS….or Nintendo…damn I’m in the past!). I ended up winning using George St. Pierre. Now, I’m howling my head off as Steve steps up to the plate and I smashed him with GSP also…and then I think I beat someone using Arlovski or something but I really couldn’t tell you. After winning 3 though, they realized I had no idea what I was doing so they just tossed me to the ground and submitted me in like 10 seconds



After that point… we all left and went to Moxies (those who were able to function, anyways) where I destroyed – get this – an order of Med Bread and then…a Blackberry Apple crisp Pastry Puff (or some other fruity name). I pretty much was in heaven for the first 3 bites then in hell after that… (Note: Diabetes + Sugar pastry? Not a good choice, Josh. Not good at all. Dumbass.)

So, Leaving Moxies feeling like I was going to enter a sugar induced death, I walked outside to see my car lights on….and battery is dead…and I have no cables. Nor does Steve and his brand new Cobalt SS. But, my friend Chris’s ghetto car definitely has cables – so hoorah for old grandma cars. I love you Chris!